Animal Adventure Park, a petting zoo in Harpursville, NY, has had a live feed going on YouTube for more than two weeks now of their 15 year old giraffe, April, who is due to give birth. And, let me tell you, the Internet has gone crazy over this soon-to-be-momma. At any given time, hundreds of thousands of people are watching the feed.
To be honest, the whole thing is not that much different than when a human mother is about to give birth. In fact, it got me thinking about five ways April can relate to us two-legged moms.
1. The rude questions
Whether human or giraffe, when there’s a baby in your belly, people think they have the right to ask just about anything. You sure there aren’t twins in there? has to go down as my (least?) favorite. The number one rule when dealing with a pregnant woman should be do not ever, under any circumstance comment on her size.
As for April, well, she’s about to give birth to a 6 foot, 150 pound baby. I would not mess with her.
2. She can’t even move without people panicking that she’s in labor.
Every time April flicks her tail or tries to sit down, the Twitterverse goes crazy. This is it! The moment we’ve been waiting for! I’m pretty sure that any woman who has birthed a baby can relate to the feeling that everyone around you is in a constant state of anticipation. You can’t make a phone call or get up to go to the bathroom without everyone in the room gasping at once.
3. People act as if birthing is their burden and ask “Is it time?” every five minutes.
But they don’t just leave it at gasping. They start to act as if this whole you giving birth thing is seriously messing with the flow of their lives. They just can’t believe you haven’t given birth yet. Nevermind the fact that you’re the one with a creature growing inside you and kicking you in the ribs every few minutes. Or that you haven’t slept in months.
4. Everyone has advice.
Then there are the people who know all of the secrets to bringing on labor—and even better than your doctor! They’ll have you walking laps around the giraffe pen and eating super spicy Chinese food while stimulating your nipples in no time, April.
5. And when it’s finally go time? You can bet the news will spread like wildfire and people will rejoice.
Actually, people will be so thrilled and their grins will be so bright, you’ll wonder for a second if they were the ones in labor all that time. Some might even pump their fists in victory: “We did it!” You’ll sort of want to kill them, but—luckily for them—you’ll be too busy taking care of your baby and waiting for them to critique your parenting style to be able to pay much attention.
Keep on keeping on, April.
JENNIFER GARRY is a writer and the mom of two girls who talk as much and laugh as loud as she does (just ask her husband). She writes about motherhood with humor and brutal honesty on her personal blog, Cuddles and Chaos. Read all of Jennifer's posts.